£30 + £5 entry. The structure is a triple chance freezout with 3×2500 chips. You can start with 2500 or your whole stack. If you start with 2500 you can then call on the rest when and if you need them. You must take all your chips after the first two half hour stages of 25/50 and 50/100. There are 23 players so there are 172,500 chips in play.

There’s a rookie middle aged woman who has never played live before. We are generally quite nice to her. Her play is unorthodox. First hand I call with Q9 on the button. The flop comes A Q T and the woman bets 100 from early. She does the “how much am I allowed to bet?” thing and gets the usual “anything you like” answer. She gets two callers. I immediately put her on an ace and fold. There’s a queen on 4th. Bugger it. She bets 100 again and gets one caller to her left. The other player looks perplexed and folds. There’s a rag on the river and she bets 100 into quite a large pot. The player to her left says “I know I’m beat but just want to see what you’re playing with,” and calls with king high. One player calls “queen” and I say “has to be an ace.” She turns over T9.

A couple of hands later there’s a raise in early and a call by the woman. The flop comes something like 9 K 8 5 2. There’s a bet on the flop by the raiser, followed by two checks on 4th, and a bet on the river by the raiser and a call by the woman. The raiser looks sheepish and turns over AQ, so does the woman, for a split pot.

I find AQ in early and raise to 200. There are 2 callers. Flop comes Q and 2 suited rags. The BB bets, who has the same name as me and so I call him ”cousin.”  He bets 200 and I reraise all in with my remaining 2000. No messing about. If he wants to draw he can pay for it. It may be over the top but every time I go in ahead in the past 18 months I get sucked out on. It makes me overly protective. He shows a queen as he passes. I muck my hand. At times during the proceedings he wants to see my hands. He doesn’t know what I am betting with, and I’m not showing.

Blinds are 50/100. I call in middle position with KQo. The flop comes Q K 3. Perfect. The rookie woman is in there along with a couple of others. I bet 300. Everyone folds except the woman. There’s a queen on 4th for the full house. How much can I bet? She is calling everything, but I don’t want to lose my customer. She has about 4000. I bet 600. She calls. 8 on the river. How much can I get away with? I consider betting the lot, but best not to get too greedy. I go for 1500. She calls and turns over K7. She’s beating nothing that any sane player could have. I’d have raised with a reasonable pair preflop, so I have to have either a queen, king or house of some sort. I couldn’t possibly be bluffing.

At one point she ends up in one hand calling on the flop and 4th with absolutely nothing, but there’s a heart on board and she turns over two hearts in her hand. “I just needed another heart” she said. Okay, it is difficult playing for the first time live. I exchange glances with a player opposite me! He has his arm in a brace, and cannot shuffle. He is young, but very alert and observant. He can play. He is genuinely perplexed, along with the rest of us. He is sitting next to the woman and a number of times she has wanted to show him her hand and ask him what to do. She looks like she is about to fold a hand on one occasion but suddenly realises she is calling not folding. She has two pair. She calls everything, but this time she was in doubt. She is definitely not one to bluff.

I have A7 clubs in middle. I raise to 300 and get 3 callers. There’s respect! The flop comes with a queen and king so I’m done with it. The player with his arm in a brace turns out to have pocket aces. He says he was just calling, hoping for a reraise in later position. Second hand low – very dangerous.  I have had A9 in early and A5 in early but folded them. I’ve raised with AQ once more and everyone has folded. My stack has gone from my starting 2500 to just over 5000. At the break the other 5000 is added so I now have 10,000. 

Blinds are 100/200. The rookie woman calls and there’s a player who started out solid but has now started to play ropey hands and bluff more. Those two play a pot together. There’s a flop of 8 4 9. The woman checks and the bluffer bets. She calls. There’s a 7 on 4th. The woman bets and the bluffer calls. There’s an ace on the river and the woman checks. The bluffer puts in a big all in bet and gets called. The woman turns over JT for the straight. The bluffer turns over K6 for sweet FA. I mentioned to a player next to me that she would have called with 3rd pair. She is the wrong player to bluff. At one point she has said to a player while playing a hand “I am not worried about you, I am worried about him,” pointing at me. Ah, that’s what I like, a good table image.

Blinds 200/400. 3 limp in and I’m in the BB with 83o. 5 for the flop. It comes K 7 T rainbow. Everyone checks. A 3 comes off on the turn. I’m not betting. Surprisingly everyone else checks too. What I need is a 3 or 8. River brings a 3. I check. It goes all the way around to the bluffer on the button who shifts 1600 into the pot. I call and everyone else folds. I’m not raising here. He could have been sitting on A3 or a strange house of some sort. Basically he isn’t calling a reraise unless he’s ahead. He turns over QJ. “I was on the straight draw,” he adds. I’m up to about 15,000.

The rookie woman calls in early and I find QQ in late. I pump 4000 into the pot. I am either taking it down here and now with no risk or making her pay to suckout. I think she will call, but she has been burned once, so throws her hand away.

Blinds are 400/800. We are down to the last 10, so playing hand for hand. I have T2 in the BB. The rookie woman calls in early and so does the SB. 3 for the flop, which comes 3 8 Q rainbow. Everyone checks. There’s a 9 on 4th, which gives me an inside straight draw. I bet 1000 and the woman puts in the call amount then announces she wants to raise. She can’t, as it is considered a string bet. I am done with the pot. The SB calls too. 4 on the river. SB checks, I check. The woman bets 1500 and gets reraised all in. I throw my hand away, the woman calls and turns over KK. The SB turns over JT for the straight. We all congratulate the woman for getting so far. It was obviously noted that if she had raised preflop she would have taken it down there and then. I take 20,000 to the final table.

At the final table the first hand I play is QQ. I raise to 3000. There’s a surprising call in late from a very conservative older player. I am concerned. The flop comes a rainbow Q 7 4. I bet 3000 into my opponent who has about 7000 left. He folds. “Cousin” says to me “you missed that flop didn’t you? You were in real trouble there.” I mucked my hand. I have hardly shown down a hand all night. Suits me. No one is working out how I am playing.

Blinds 600/1200. I have AQ in early and raise to 3000. A very young but very tight player calls my raise. He has a hand for sure. The flop comes a queen and two suited rags similar to an early situation. I bet 4000 and he folds. I have about 25,000.

“Cousin” moves all in from early position. I have raised with a big hand when it has been his BB on a couple of occasions. “Now it’s my turn,” he says. There’s an all in reraise and he turns over T3o against a big ace. The big ace holds up. Shortly after I fancy my KJ clubs in middle until it’s raised in early. I fold and the older conservative player is virtually all in from the BB. The raiser turns over AJ which holds up. We are down to 6.

One of the staff is regaling us with a story of his latest trip to Mexico. He then starts coughing violently. I love a member of staff with a sense of humour!

I call in the SB with Qh 9d and the lad with his arm in a brace checks. Flop comes Ad 2d 4h. We both remark what a dangerous flop that is and check. 4th turns out to be 5d. Time for a stab. I bet 2000 and he folds and shows Kh 7d. “Doesn’t matter what you have, too dangerous,” he says.

Blinds are 800/1600. There’s this young kid who looks like a floater. A number of times he looks like he’s been calling just to put in a massive bet on 4th or river and take it away. I have been watching him closely. I exchange glances with the player who has his arm in a brace. We both seem to know what is going on. I’m on the button with A2 spades and it’s folded around to me. The floater kid is in the BB. I had been goading him earlier when I raised with AQ saying “I know you’re going to call, I know I’ve got a customer there.” He had smiled and folded. “No surely not, I can’t believe it,” I added. I raise to 3200. He calls. Flop comes A 9 2 rainbow. I bet 4000. He calls. There’s a rag on 4th and I bet 6000. He fiddles with his chips. He is wondering whether I am strong and is clearly thinking about making a move. He folds. I am up to about 30,000.

Blinds are 1000/2000. 5 left. The floater kid calls in early position. It’s folded around to me in the BB with Q8.  I check. The flop comes 2 A 8 rainbow. I check, so does he. There’s the 4 hearts on 4th which makes 2 hearts. I bet 4000. He calls. The river brings the jack of hearts and I check. He fires in 7000. The kid just stares down at his chips. “If you had an ace why didn’t you bet it preflop hmmm!?…..hmmm!!??” I was sounding like Doctor Who as played by William Hartnell. This kid was a floater and I wasn’t about let him get away easy or quickly. I was going to make him suffer. ”You’d have bet the ace under the gun preflop at this stage surely? Why didn’t you bet the ace? You haven’t made the flush, and I have to be really unlucky if you’ve hit the jack. Curiosity is bad in this game,” I was grilling him for about 2 minutes. Medium rare. I continued, “How much do I have left? Hmmm not a lot. I just don’t know. Why did you not bet the ace preflop hmmm? That’s the one question? Okay I call.” I threw in the 7000 and saw the kid squirm as I did so. He had nothing. “Not even bottom pair,” as the player with the arm in a brace remarked. “No, he’s a floater,” I declared. “He calls bets just to bluff on a later street.” I really wanted to rub the kid’s nose in it. “Good call,” some commented. I’m not saying he couldn’t have had an ace. He could have been calling to trap, but when you have a floater who has been playing like that on a number of hands you have to back your judgement and the odds. He can’t have a hand every time. He threw away 4000 on 4th and 7000 on the river, so 11,000 of his chips had floated over to my stack. My stack is up to 47,000.

The under the gun player raises to 6000. I look down at JJ and am not happy. This is a solid player and he has 50,000. He hasn’t stepped out of line since I have been playing. I call. Flop comes T 8 3 rainbow. I bet 10,000 and he flat calls. There’s a 2 on 4th. He bets all in. I know I am beat. I cannot beat AA KK QQ TT or 88. I can only beat a missed AK or AQ or possibly 99. It’s an easy fold. A class player would have found it an easy fold. I call after an age of mental torture, and he turns over TT. He grimaces as I turn over my hand because he realises how far he was behind pre flop. Doesn’t matter. I played the hand badly and got knocked out. The flat call on the flop should have told me everything. A class player would have found it an easy fold. 5 hours of hard work and I have thrown it away. 5th place gets his money back, and that’s all. In those 5 hours I have seen AQ 3 times, QQ twice, the JJ where I got knocked out, and 33. The 33 was in early position at the final table and I just threw it away. They were the only decent starting hands, unless you include the KQo. I was playing well until that last hand. One mistake too many.

It’s official. Poker is a sport. The media keep referring to it as a sport. Poker players keep calling themselves sportsmen and refer to “other sports” when talking about poker. TV has it marked as a sport and shows it in slots where sport usually goes. So it’s a sport. This means I’m a sportsman. Yes!

Look at Gus Hansen. He spends hours continually shovelling in chips with the worst hand. That takes a lot out of you. You have to be really fit to do that. I spend hour after hour at home, sitting at the table, practising pushing in chips, and handling chips with both my left AND right hands. That’s dedication. That takes stamina and fitness. I could keep fit by going to the gym or having sex every night, but I’m not that sad. No, I’m dedicated. Dedicated to the game.

At last poker is recognised as a sport, and about time too. So shouldn’t it be taken that final step? Yes, I’m talking Olympics here. They should be getting rid of rowing, yachting, equestrian, and all those other crappy sports, that aren’t really sport at all, to make way for something far more popular and sporting. Poker really fits the bill.

I could even be a gold medallist. I could put in some more hours at the table. I really need to build up that stamina and sporting prowess. It’s not too late. Coming from the UK, it looks like poker, underwater archery, and some bird in a boat are probably our best hopes for London 2012. It makes me truly proud to come from a country where Dave “Devilfish” Ulliott is the greatest sportsman we have ever produced.