It’s official. Poker is a sport. The media keep referring to it as a sport. Poker players keep calling themselves sportsmen and refer to “other sports” when talking about poker. TV has it marked as a sport and shows it in slots where sport usually goes. So it’s a sport. This means I’m a sportsman. Yes!

Look at Gus Hansen. He spends hours continually shovelling in chips with the worst hand. That takes a lot out of you. You have to be really fit to do that. I spend hour after hour at home, sitting at the table, practising pushing in chips, and handling chips with both my left AND right hands. That’s dedication. That takes stamina and fitness. I could keep fit by going to the gym or having sex every night, but I’m not that sad. No, I’m dedicated. Dedicated to the game.

At last poker is recognised as a sport, and about time too. So shouldn’t it be taken that final step? Yes, I’m talking Olympics here. They should be getting rid of rowing, yachting, equestrian, and all those other crappy sports, that aren’t really sport at all, to make way for something far more popular and sporting. Poker really fits the bill.

I could even be a gold medallist. I could put in some more hours at the table. I really need to build up that stamina and sporting prowess. It’s not too late. Coming from the UK, it looks like poker, underwater archery, and some bird in a boat are probably our best hopes for London 2012. It makes me truly proud to come from a country where Dave “Devilfish” Ulliott is the greatest sportsman we have ever produced.